Step 2, Question 1

Step Two: Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity


1. As I look with complete honesty at my life, how have I acted in an extremely irrational and self-destructive manner where eating is concerned?


This is a daunting question to answer. So many images flash before my eyes, I'll try to capture some of them here. I have acted in an extremely irrational and self-destructive manner when I repeatedly stuffed myself with food to the point of physical pain, to the point where I could hardly move or breathe. Past the point of even wanting to eat and literally just forcing it down. I have hoarded food from my co-workers, snuck out of my building multiple times to go buy food and eat it secretly in my office. I have been so disgusted with myself and my food that I have to throw it in the trash, only to fish it out and eat it moments later. I have spent hundreds and hundreds of dollars on binges. I have walked and driven many miles in search of food, often driving incredibly fast and recklessly so I could stuff myself as immediately as possible. I have "helped myself to" food at the homes of friends, my host families, co-workers. I have used my hands as utensils and served myself with my fingers because I couldn't get the food in fast enough.  I have eaten food off the floor, food that wasn't cooked all the way through. I have snuck out of my house while my husband was sleeping to buy food, and have binged secretly when others were in the next room. I have been dishonest with myself and many others regarding food.