9. Have I made an honest appraisal of my experience and am I convinced that I can't handle life through self-will alone?
I am becoming more and more aware of my inability to just let go and let God. I seem to always be in some state of tight-gripped control. I do think that I have made an honest appraisal of my experience. I know I have no control, not just over food, but over anything in my life. I think that I am in control; I try to plan everything to a T, to be a master of my emotions, desires, movements, thoughts. I've got it all backwards.
I realize that my situation is very serious and that even when I was my "ideal size", I still had compulsive food issues. This was something I was not willing to recognize before. For so many years I blamed myself for not being strong enough to resist certain foods, maintain my weight, or stop eating BEFORE I was in physical pain. Now I know that I do have an incredible amount of willpower and that this has little to do with my situation. I have a disorder that makes me incapable of handling food (and life) through self-will alone. That does not make me weak. That makes me human and I know that going through all of this will make me a stronger, better person in the end.
No comments:
Post a Comment