2. In what ways have I been obsessed with diets and/or weight loss schemes?
It's funny, when I think about my response to this answer, it is so different from what it would have been even 6 months ago...and not in a good way. Diets/weight loss schemes are currently the FURTHEST from my mind. Eating LESS food? I'm struggling on a daily basis to keep myself from eating 3 times a healthy amount. But it wasn't always this way, and I'm sure my obsession with diets and weight loss schemes in the past contributed significantly to my current situation. I started dieting at a very young age, no later than 13 or 14, and I know I was uncomfortable with my body long before then. I think I was in the 4th grade when a boy in class pointed out to me for the first time that I was fat. High school was when I became very concerned with my weight, always trying to reach the stick-like figures of my popular peers, and never coming close, despite my efforts. I always went back to the food at some point. And then would crash diet and work out like crazy for a week or two. I developed the dangerous pattern of intense restriction followed by I-don't-care gorging. For several weeks, I even thought it would be a good idea to just eat Power Bars for meals and then work out until I had burned off the calories. No wonder I'm so messed up today!
College didn't get much better, although I had at least given up most of the "gimmicks". I still went through cycles of strict dieting and working out (like right before I saw my long-distance boyfriend) followed by pigging out (like 5 minutes after my boyfriend and I were reunited).
When I was at UBS for a summer internship, that's when the big evening binges started, so to make up for them, I would eat very little the next day, forcing myself to go as long as possible without eating until I was starving. This was an almost unbreakable cycle, and it was further worsened by the fact that I didn't know how to eat a proper breakfast. I thought one small packet of oatmeal was all the breakfast I needed (deserved) and would rarely ever eat anything more substantial. No wonder I was starving by the time lunch and dinner came around, and I had an irrepressible need to stuff my face. Not to mention that I was completely miserable at this internship.
It was only until very recently that I established the routine of 3 meals a day. I was convinced that eating 3 proper meals a day would lead to certain weight gain. So on top of the yo-yo dieting, I was constantly starving myself and making it up later with giant snacks or evening binges.
By now, I no longer have the motivation or willpower to starve myself, and I'm better off for it. Dieting just worsens a binge eating habit, so I'm thankful that I've at least managed to get myself off of that endless track. Now I just have to stop overeating!
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