In a hole

I'm in a hole and I'm having a very hard time climbing out of it. This has been a very very bad relapse. Probably because I was alone for so much of it. The quantities have been off the chart and I seem to have lost all motivation to stop bingeing and get abstinent again. My reflection in the mirror horrifies me. I have gained a considerable amount of weight this past week; my face has seemingly doubled in size. But I can't stop. I want to stop, but not enough. I need to do some OA exercises to get back on track and to remind me why I need to stop bingeing. Will post them here. Happy Sunday everybody..